Famous Last Quotes...

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you

should have remained a virgin.'
-   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
   
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not

pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed,

but fine against a wall.'
  - Eleanor Roosevelt  

 Last  week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..    - Mark Twain 
 
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good

ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
 - George Burns
  
 Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. 
 - Victor Borge    

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.  
- Mark Twain 
 
 By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if

you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. 
 - Socrates 
    
 I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.  
- Groucho Marx      

  My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then

she stops to breathe.   - Jimmy Durante  
  
 I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. 
 - Zsa Zsa Gabor  

 Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. 
 - Alex Levine  

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop

dying.   - Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery  

- Spike Milligan  
   
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
 - Joe Namath