RED ZONE JOKE

A kid comes home from school and
says to his mom, "Mom I've got a
problem." She asks him what it is.
He tells her that the boys at school are
using 2 words he doesn't understand so
she asks him what they are.
He says "Well, pussy and bitch".
She says, "Oh that's no big deal; a
pussy is a cat like our little Mittens,
and a bitch is a female dog like our
Sandy."
He thanks her and goes to visit his dad
who's watching TV in the living room.
He says to his dad, "Dad, the boys at
school are using words I don't know,
and I asked mom and I don't think she
told me the right meanings."
Dad says "Son, I told you never to go
to your mom with this stuff. What are
the words?"
He tells him...pussy and bitch.
Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy
magazine down from the shelf, takes a
marker and circles the crotch of a
naked model and says, "Son, everything
inside this circle is a pussy."
"OK dad, so what's a bitch?"
"Son" he says, "everything outside that
circle."

The Irish Dept.

A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water
and another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived,
while the one in whiskey curled up and
died. "All right, son." asked the father,
"what does that show you?" "Well, Dad,
it shows that if you drink alcohol, you
will not have worms."

Republic of Craic Irish Jokephile

An 11 year old realized that she had
started to grow hair in between her
legs. She had gotten worried and asked
her mommy about the hair. Her
mommy calmly said "that part where
the hair has grown is called a Monkey,
be proud that your Monkey had grown
hair." Next morning, at breakfast she
told her sister "my monkey has grown
hair." Her sister smiled and said "that's
nothing! mine is already eating
bananas."

All About Eve

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY 
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden,  God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes 

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Boob?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that stuff about the rib?