My anti Twitter anti social networking friend

No "tweety-face/face-licker-book" for me, seems like telling a diary in spits in spurts of 

Chinese water torture style, 

9am - OMG- got a hang nail
12pm - ate squid brains for lunch look at attached picture
3pm - hailed cab, driver was wearing a turban, big surprise
6pm - got stood up for blind date again went to see movie by myself, 

ate too much popcorn now I feel sick
9pm - alternating shots of JagerMeister and Jose Cuervo Gold tequila, both bottles half gone, 

I should be passing out soon

-next day-
(rinse and repeat above ad infinitum)

(this kind of stuff is something I will leave up to to someone else to clog up the

 Internet with this "content")

I've got much better things to do than to narrate every breath in and out every piece of food that I eat 

accompanying with Instagram pic and every other little stupid thing that happens to announce to the world

Seems to me everybody on Twitter is a glory hog, and has this "look at me" complex

I don't truck with that crap

However there are only a few people who might say something interesting once in a while, 

and  Neil deGrasse Tyson is one of my heroes, and I came upon this tweet by accident from a Google search 

while looking up something else completely different -- such is the definition of serendipity!

also Twitter is an evil screwed up company, and six months from now nobody's gonna care anymore

It's also only a matter of time before the class action suits that are bound to be filed the next couple of months

 for privacy violations, Will eventually bankrupt Facebook, which I will be happy to see die off.

--
Sent by using an iPad as a hammer to my face and capturing the shards of wisdom that fly off...

> 
> 
> SOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo
> yu twitter?
> https://twitter.com/artechno

Truthies

23 Adult Truths

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 

5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. 

 

 

 

 

Winning!

http://www.powerball.com/pb_home.asp

I Decided Who I want to be when I grow up

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakima_Canutt

Stop.Link.Laugh

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/45-people-you-wont-believe-actually-exist-6z51

EYE TEA Jokers

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

That joke ceased being funny, 10 years ago...

Actually, there are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who can't recognize a base-3 joke when the see it.

Most people also want to have romantic relationships in their lives, so becoming a programmer is a very bad choice for them.

Dump your ISP

http://www.google.com/onceuponatime/tisp/install.html

Happy Halloween!

Why didn't the skeleton dance
at the party ??? 

 

Because he had no body to dance with. 

 

 

and the key word is Kuru

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_there_such_thing_as_a_laughing_disorder


There is a disease called Kuru, that is sometimes referred to as laughing sickness due to the pathologic bursts of laughter people would display when afflicted with the disease.



There is also something the Pseudobulbar Affect which causes excessive laughing or crying.

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_there_such_thing_as_a_laughing_disorder#ixzz297ezMBZi

I'm not joking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.dogwork.com/bfbb8/

That's U Fat ASS!

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/d4nqqv/doesnt-this-bother-you

Too Fat?

http://cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/bestoftv/2012/09/19/ng-too-obese-for-execution.hln.html

There are over 30 million Americans who are too fat.
in fact, Morbid Obesity is now classified as a disability
"Can't come to work today, I'm too fat..."

Play Dead

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/a40d785388/dead-reel-the-milana-vayntrub-story

Nora and the Neutrons

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap120710.html

A neutron went into a bar and asked the bartender, "How much for a beer?"The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

File under the I Rish Dept

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE IN AN IRISH FAMILY

1.       You will never play professional basketball.

2.       You swear very well.

3.       At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral  home  owner or holds political office. Also, you have at least one aunt who is a nun or uncle who’s a priest.

4.       You think you sing very well.

5.       You have no idea how to make a long story short!

6.       There isn’t a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone.

7.       Many of your childhood meals were boiled. Instant potatoes were a mortal sin.

8.       You have never hit your head on a ceiling.

9.       You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer.

10.   You’re strangely poetic after a few beers.

11.   Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations.

12.   Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen…..and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen.

13.   Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you.

14.   You may not know the words, but that doesn’t stop you from singing..

15.   You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking.

16.   You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are---but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.

17.   There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.

18.   You are, or know someone, named Murph.

19.   If you don’t know Murph then you know Mac. If you don’t know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully. Then you probably know McMurphy.

20.   You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.

21.   You have Irish Alzheimer’s---you forget everything but the grudges!

22.   ‘Irish Stew’ is a euphemism for ‘boiled leftovers’.

23.   Your skin’s ability to tan---is laughable.

24.   Childhood remedies for the common cold often included some form of whiskey.

25.   There’s no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes.

26.   At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other. Not fighting, mind you, just not speaking to each other.

The Fart Book?

http://www.amazon.com/The-Fart-Book-Donald-Wetzel/dp/0880321318/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1341800692&sr=8-2&keywords=The+Fart+Book

The Fart Book

All farts are divided into two groups:

1. Your farts

2. Somebody else's farts

It lists farts alphabetically, from A to Z.

The S'cuse me fart - This rare fart excuses itself as it is farted. It is about as close to

words as a fart can get. The sound it makes is like a little soft whisper that says. "S'cuse me". The most polite of all farts and very silly when you are alone.

The Chinese Firecracker Fart - This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get          applause. Uncommon

Go Fish

Missing Wife

A fisherman went into the Coast Guard in Alaska to report that he hadn't seen his wife nor sign of her Kayak for over 2 hours. Desperate to find her, he pleaded that the Coast Guard start an immediate search.
After 2 days, his phone rang. Prepared for the worst of news he asked the Coast Guard if they found his wife.
The Officer of the Coast Guard told the man that they had some bad news, good news and really good news.
Obviously the fisherman asked what the bad news was first. He was told that the body of his wife was found. He was horrified and then asked what the good news was.
"The good news is that she was covered with about 25 twenty pound King Crabs when we brought her up".
"What's the really good news then?" asked the fisherman.
The Officer said, "We are going to bring her back up again tomorrow morning!"

compliments of forum at BigFishTackle

Billboards on the Internet Highway and Whoa!

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iguana-fartis

Geriatric Humor

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

Infantile Humor

Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and says, "What are you in here for?"

The other says, "Circumcision."

The first boy says "Oh, man! I had that done right after I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

Hath Not a Slut Eyes?

Who r u - u sexy thang...

Sexuality is a personal experience, and no one is all female or all male, so for you sexy things out there, believe me, 

after you have had sex ten-thousand times, the novelty wears off. 



And, this is how you can become a movie star:

https://secure.imdb.com/signup/signup?d=

and,
who's a slut? Raise your hand...

Sluts R US

Honest to Blr

For Shame For Shame 

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The Tumblr of Brook Busey (Diablo Cody), Linda Spellman & others

7th April 2012

Post reblogged from Mrs. Morrissey with 221 notes

The Benefits of Being Shameless

Tracie nails it so I don’t have to.

tracieeganmorrissey:

Ever since I got pregnant I sort of had this idea in my head that I’d want to write an essay about how I’ve gone about reconciling my past as a self-identified slut and transitioned into being a mother. But the words wouldn’t come to me when I was pregnant, so I figured I’d get to it once I actually had the baby and experienced motherhood. So I waited and waited, and now, six months later, I’m still unable to write about it. It’s not because the subject matter is too difficult or too sensitive. It’s just that I’ve come to realize something: What is there to reconcile?

Theater Geek Alert

Pick a starting salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

My hearing

A Methodist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Tyrone,how is your hearing now?"

Tyrone answered, "I don't know, Man. It ain't 'til next week."