The Fart Book?

http://www.amazon.com/The-Fart-Book-Donald-Wetzel/dp/0880321318/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1341800692&sr=8-2&keywords=The+Fart+Book

The Fart Book

All farts are divided into two groups:

1. Your farts

2. Somebody else's farts

It lists farts alphabetically, from A to Z.

The S'cuse me fart - This rare fart excuses itself as it is farted. It is about as close to

words as a fart can get. The sound it makes is like a little soft whisper that says. "S'cuse me". The most polite of all farts and very silly when you are alone.

The Chinese Firecracker Fart - This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get          applause. Uncommon

Go Fish

Missing Wife

A fisherman went into the Coast Guard in Alaska to report that he hadn't seen his wife nor sign of her Kayak for over 2 hours. Desperate to find her, he pleaded that the Coast Guard start an immediate search.
After 2 days, his phone rang. Prepared for the worst of news he asked the Coast Guard if they found his wife.
The Officer of the Coast Guard told the man that they had some bad news, good news and really good news.
Obviously the fisherman asked what the bad news was first. He was told that the body of his wife was found. He was horrified and then asked what the good news was.
"The good news is that she was covered with about 25 twenty pound King Crabs when we brought her up".
"What's the really good news then?" asked the fisherman.
The Officer said, "We are going to bring her back up again tomorrow morning!"

compliments of forum at BigFishTackle