Ask the Joke Jenie

Are you without a joke? Without a song? Without a thought in your head? Well, you have come to the right place...Joke Genie is a repository of one thousand and one jokes or stories collected from the internet and emails over many thousands of years. You may have three jokes....

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Sluts R US

The Tumblr of Brook Busey (Diablo Cody), Linda Spellman & others
Post reblogged from Mrs. Morrissey with 221 notes

The Benefits of Being Shameless

Tracie nails it so I don’t have to.
Ever since I got pregnant I sort of had this idea in my head that I’d want to write an essay about how I’ve gone about reconciling my past as a self-identified slut and transitioned into being a mother. But the words wouldn’t come to me when I was pregnant, so I figured I’d get to it once I actually had the baby and experienced motherhood. So I waited and waited, and now, six months later, I’m still unable to write about it. It’s not because the subject matter is too difficult or too sensitive. It’s just that I’ve come to realize something: What is there to reconcile?

Friday, June 1, 2012

Pick a starting salary


Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

My hearing


A Methodist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line
. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"


Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.


After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Tyrone,how is your hearing now?"

Tyrone answered, "I don't know
, Man. It ain't 'til next week."



=
 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Spanish Sense of humor

One of my favorite jokes as a 7 year old was from Blanca Nieves
y los Siete Enanitos. (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.)

The dwarf in the play said, "the stepmother isn't pretty and she
isn't ugly."

She's pretty ugly.

That's pretty funny when you are 7 years old. I still don't mind
the joke 40 years later.

Spanish has a similar double usage of one of its common words.

If you ask an amigo, "¿Cómo estás?" (How are you?)

You'll most likely understand this reply:

Estoy bien, gracias. (I am well, thanks.)

That's the old textbook Spanish lesson 101 right there

But what if your amigo said,

"Estoy bien mal."

Huh!

If you translate that literally you end up with, "I am well bad"???  

That makes no sense.

Here's what's going on. Your amigo just told you, "I am pretty
bad" or "I am pretty sick."

Yes, like the dwarf joking about la madrastra de Blanca Nieves
(Snow White's stepmother) being pretty ugly, bien, like pretty,
has two meanings.

Bien most commonly means well but it also means pretty, very
or quite.

Estoy bien mal, means I am quite/very/pretty sick.

Here are some more examples in which bien can mean
quite/very/pretty.


El Coyote canta bien mal pero me gusta su música.
El Coyote sings pretty badly but I like his music

Voy a llegar bien tarde.    
I am going to (arrive) be quite late.

Esta guitarra tiene un sonido bien Español.
This guitar has a very Spanish sound

La cerveza está bien fría.
The beer is very cold.

By the way, this is not slang. It's even in el Diccionario de la
Lengua Española de la Real Academia Española. (Spanish
Language Dictionary of the Royal Spanish academy.)

Bien is just one of many common Spanish words that have
extra meanings. These secondary meanings are so common
that Spanish Ear Training Master Classes #2, #3, and #4 are
dedicated to that very tema (subject).

SpanishEarTraining.com

A propósito (by the way) Spanish Ear Training is for students
who already speak at least a little Spanish. If you're not yet
speaking some Spanish already Spanish Ear Training is
probably not for you yet.

Instead click below to find the right path for you to speak
Spanish bien pronto (very soon).

Find your Spanish path
Saludos


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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

3 jokes 4 u



SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Partners help each other undress before sex. 
However after sex, they always dress on their own. 
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. 
SIMPLE TRUTH 2 
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats". 
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job". 
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.


A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.The old man looked off in the distance without answering. 
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.' 

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE 
1.   Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2.   Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole’s name.
3.   If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4.   Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5.   Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.