Those Irish

How to get to Heaven - from Ireland
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven. 
           
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into  heaven?"

 

"NO!"  the children answered.

 

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

 

Again, the answer was "NO!"  By now I was starting to smile. 

 

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into  heaven?"

Again, they all answered "NO!"

I  was just bursting with pride for them.  I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

A six year-old boy shouted out, "YUV GOTTA BE  FOOKN' DEAD!"

 

("It's a curious race, the Irish.")

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Update from the CDC

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.  This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!  This virus will wipe out your private life entirely.  If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract ( WINE ) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter ( BEER ).  Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends.  If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life and you need to take action immediately.  

Patty Pat Down, the new TSA employee

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101115/ap_on_bi_ge/us_airport_security#mwpphu-container

1)      I’m trained in pat-downs – a job opportunity.

2)      Will be avoiding the airlines as a passenger.

3)      How about strip searches for everyone?  Waiting for someone to put a famous person’s airport “x-ray” on the Internet, and the resulting lawsuit.

4)      An increase in private airplanes and jets.

 by Judy Hobbs

Suzie the Dino - true story...

Date: Aug 12, 2010 8:17 AM
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August 12: General Interest
1990 : Skeleton of Tyrannosaurus rex discovered

On this day in 1990, fossil hunter Susan Hendrickson discovers three huge bones jutting out of a cliff near Faith, South Dakota. They turn out to be part of the largest-ever Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton ever discovered, a 65 million-year-old specimen dubbed Sue, after its discoverer.

Amazingly, Sue's skeleton was over 90 percent complete, and the bones were extremely well-preserved. Hendrickson's employer, the Black Hills Institute of Geological Research, paid $5,000 to the land owner, Maurice Williams, for the right to excavate the dinosaur skeleton, which was cleaned and transported to the company headquarters in Hill City. The institute's president, Peter Larson, announced plans to build a non-profit museum to display Sue along with other fossils of the Cretaceous period.

In 1992, a long legal battle began over Sue. The U.S. Attorney's Office claimed Sue's bones had been seized from federal land and were therefore government property. It was eventually found that Williams, a part-Native American and member of the Cheyenne River Sioux tribe, had traded his land to the tribe two decades earlier to avoid paying property taxes, and thus his sale of excavation rights to Black Hills had been invalid. In October 1997, Chicago's Field Museum purchased Sue at public auction at Sotheby's in New York City for $8.36 million, financed in part by the McDonald's and Disney corporations.

Sue's skeleton went on display at the Field Museum in May 2000. The tremendous T.rex skeleton--13 feet high at the hips and 42 feet long from head to toe--is displayed in one of the museum's main halls. Another exhibit gives viewers a close-up view of Sue's five foot-long, 2,000-pound skull with its 58 teeth, some as long as a human forearm.

Sue's extraordinarily well-preserved bones have allowed scientists to determine many things about the life of T.rex. They have determined that the carnivorous dinosaur had an incredible sense of smell, as the olfactory bulbs were each bigger than the cerebrum, the thinking part of the brain. In addition, Sue was the first T.rex skeleton to be discovered with a wishbone, a crucial discovery that provided support for scientists’ theory that birds are a type of living dinosaur. One thing that remains unknown is Sue's actual gender; to determine this, scientists would have to compare many more T.rex skeletons than the 22 that have been found so far.

i dunno...

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